My visit to a Sex Motel.

The first time I found out about these was when I tried to stay in one just as I crossed the bor­der into Mex­ico. The younger, naive Greg didn’t know that such places existed, but it slowly dawned on him as the puz­zled desk clerk in halt­ing eng­lish explained it was sup­posed to be by the hour, and the room was just a lit­tle off. Leop­ard plaid sheets, lotions by the bed­side, and porn on TV. Just in case you don’t know, as I didn’t, here is the big dif­fer­ence. Motels, as opposed to Hotels, are designed for one thing, and one thing only — sex. In Latin Amer­ica, even in afflu­ent fam­i­lies, most young peo­ple live with their fam­i­lies until they are mar­ried. Most peo­ple don’t own cars. Lastly, it’s some­what accept­able for a suc­cess­ful man to have a (younger) mis­tress. Where do you go when you want to get busy? Motels.

The typ­i­cal motel is a fortress. It’s sur­rounded by high, solid walls, with only two entrances — one in and one out (appro­pri­ately.) You never leave your car, or really see another per­son when check­ing in (my first time I was on a motor­cy­cle.) You pull up to a win­dow, and hand in your and her ID. In Brazil, you have a national ID card, and you get it when you are 18. In hers, Simone looked about 14 years old in hers, and the woman couldn’t see her from the other side of the car. I got a strange (but not strange enough) “you perv, I’m call­ing the cops” look from the lady until she saw Simone’s age on the ID, and looked at her from across the car.

Once we estab­lished I wasn’t doing any­thing ille­gal (yet), we had to choose from a menu of options. The more basic rooms were just a bed, then started adding “fea­tures” — hot tubs, baths, pools, sauna, etc. Appar­ently, the Suite was open to the air, so you could get some in naked sun­bathing (or any­thing else.) Those were all full, so we went with the next step down, which had a large (for indoor) pool, a steam bath, some crazy sex chair and two floors. All rooms had TV’s, large beds and a garage to park (and hide) your car. We also got a free lunch, since we were there right about lunch time.

This place, even with the included lunch, was expen­sive. My hotel in Sao Paulo was $36/US (or 90 Reals) for the whole day. The motel was 100, with the Suite going for 117 Reals for 3 hours. An extra hour was not much more (10 reals), and 12 hours was only about 10 reals more, too. I guess if you can go for 12 hours, then money is the least of your con­cerns, eh?

When you drive in, you park your car in the garage, which you then close to get some pri­vacy. I never fig­ured out how to close the damned thing, but I fig­ure that any­one that was there had some­thing bet­ter to do than mess with my car. When you enter the motel suite, there is a small room right inside the door. In this room is a couch on one side and a table with two chairs over­look­ing the pool. That’s right — a pool. This pool was pretty large — maybe 20 feet long, 10 feet wide, and about 4 feet deep. In one cor­ner of the pool was a foun­tain of a naked greek god­dess. Tacky, but it’s about what I expected for a place like this. To the right of the pool, on the same side as the room just off the garage was a steam bath. As you face the pool from the table, on the left hand side is the love chair, includ­ing a help­ful dia­gram on how to use it. You could hurt your­self in one of those, if you don’t fol­low the direc­tions. Then, behind the sex chair are STAIRS. That’s right — this is a deluxe suite with two floors. Upstairs is the bed, with the TV, a fridge (with rea­son­ably priced drinks, unlike any hotel I’ve ever been in.) Off the bed­room is the shower, with a clear glass wall, allow­ing for a full view of the clean­ing going on from the bed­room. 90 degrees from the shower view, is a view of the pool, from above. On the wall was a good sized TV, with lim­ited selec­tion of chan­nels, two of which are ded­i­cated to naked peo­ple hav­ing sex (isn’t that a pre­req­ui­site?) In the inter­est of vari­ety, one chan­nel had two guys and one girl, the other chan­nel had two girls and one guy.

What hap­pened in the hotel room isn’t really rel­e­vant, so I won’t go into that here. I will men­tion a few things I want to remem­ber. First — it was a blast. Like a sex play­ground, with pools, lot’s of nudity, and porn on TV. I’d been curi­ous about these since I first set eyes on one, but I never had a chance to go. Sec­ondly, Simone is the (pos­si­bly only) con­ser­v­a­tive Brazil­ian. Oh, she has a very small bikini, waxes, and car­ries enough cleav­age to shame the aver­age Seat­tle girl, but that’s about it. She’s con­ser­v­a­tive, and not that really into try­ing new things. She says she wants to, but I really don’t think she does. Once you are 36, if you really want to try some­thing new, you’ve already done it, espe­cially if you’ve been mar­ried, as she was. Granted, there are excep­tions, but it’s gonna be some­thing some­what inter­est­ing. Hers’ weren’t. Lastly, I found that she doesn’t enjoy porn. Granted it was rel­a­tively hard core sodomy, but it was kind of funny watch her watch it (which we only did for about 30 sec­onds, to my cha­grin.) Her cries of dis­gust got in sync with the movie stars cries of plea­sure. “ughh” “oooh” “eeww” “aaahhh.” Frankly, it ruined it for me, even though it was funny.

Lunch, which I was very sus­pi­cious of, was pretty good. Fish, fried very deep, mashed pota­toes, and some­thing else I for­get. We show­ered, with lot’s of scrub­bing, and left right about the 3 hour mark (they called to let us know our time was com­ing to an end.) When you leave, you get your ID back and a spring in your step.